Mutual Boundary Attunement Survey

Mutual Boundary Attunement Survey

Purpose: This survey helps two people become aware of their own patterns, needs, and limits. The goal is not perfection, but honest self-awareness.

Result: After you answer, the page will generate a tailored attunement statement you can refine together and turn into a simple agreement.

Important: Answer slowly. If you notice tension, excuses, or “it’s fine” when it’s not, pause. That tension is your signal you might be smoothing over your truth.

1 · Who is participating?

You can use emails, initials, or placeholders (e.g., me@self.com and them@heart.com).

2 · Universal Attunement Questions

Guidance for all answers:
• Answer in simple sentences.
• Notice when you want to sound “nice” instead of true.
• If you feel a tiny twist in your chest or stomach while answering, slow down and ask: “Is this fully true for me?”

Question 1
What feels good for you in connection — and what feels bad?

Hint: Think in sensations and moments, not theory. “Good: when we are direct and calm.” “Bad: when I feel like I have to guess what is going on.”

Question 2
What do you need more of — and what do you need less of?

Hint: If you write “I’m fine as it is,” check if that’s true or just polite.

Question 3
What makes you close — and what makes you pull away?

Hint: Remember real situations. “I pull away when I feel judged,” “I come close when I feel seen.”

Question 4
How do you show stress — and how do you want the other person to respond?

Hint: Notice your patterns. Do you go quiet, talk fast, get sharp, over-explain, joke, disappear?

Question 5
What kind of truth is easy for you — and what kind is hard?

Hint: For example, “Easy: practical facts. Hard: admitting when I am hurt or jealous.”

Question 6
What makes you feel safe — and what makes you feel unsafe?

Hint: “Safe: when you tell me where you are emotionally. Unsafe: when energy changes but nothing is said.”

Question 7
What behavior from the other supports you — and what behavior confuses you?

Hint: Be specific and kind. This is about clarity, not blame.

Question 8
What do you never want to repeat from past relationships?

Hint: Think of patterns, not people. “Silent treatment,” “walking on eggshells,” “constant testing,” etc.

Question 9
What do you wish people understood about you automatically?

Hint: This often points to your core sensitivity and core need.

Question 10
What is one personal boundary you want to protect — no matter what?

Hint: This is where your “non-negotiable” lives. Be honest, even if it feels selfish.

You can edit the result afterwards. This is a first draft of clarity, not a contract.

Your Tailored Attunement Statement

Share this with the person you’re attuning with. Read it together, adjust the language, and turn it into a simple written agreement if you wish.